How You Can Stop Your Spouse From “Using” Your Children in Illinois Divorce Cases

In high-conflict custody cases, many parents “use” their children to gain an advantage. When custody cases are a war between parents, their children are on the front lines. Studies show, not surprisingly, this is not good for the short-term and long-term health and development of children.

There are many ways a parent involves a child to advance his/her interests. The following are only a few examples:

• Discussing the case with or in front of their children
• Disparaging or criticizing the other parent to, or in front of, their children
• Scheming to get their children to speak positively of them and negatively of the other parent to the judge or the Guardian Ad Litem
• Blaming the other parent for their family’s current woes or for the divorce.
• “Buying” the children’s support or allegiance through gifts

How can a parent going through a divorce shield his/her children from the divorce and the other parent’s self-serving behavior?Get the Court to issue a temporary restraining order and/or injunction.

A restraining order and/or injunction is a court order regulating someone’s conduct. Essentially, the Court tells someone “Do this” or “Don’t do this.” In divorce cases, restraining orders and injunctions are commonly issued to regulate parental conduct in order to protect children. (They are also common to protect one spouse or to protect marital assets). The following are common child-related injunctions:

• No interfering with the personal liberty of the minor children
• No discussing the divorce with the minor children
• No questioning the minor children about the other parent
• No criticizing or disparaging the other parent in the presence of the minor children.
• No mentioning child support in the presence of the children
• No using the minor children as a messenger for communications between one parent and the other.

Children should not be put in the middle of the divorce. Parents should not discuss the divorce case with them nor should they badmouth the other parent to them. A restraining order and/or injunction regulating both parents’ conduct are helpful tools to minimize the effects divorce has on children.

The Botti Law Firm, P.C. has been practicing family law in Chicagoland for 50 years. Please contact us at630-573-8585 to schedule a free consultation with one of our attorneys.